Blinker!
by TheTitularMuppet
Summary: They say gifts are the sweetest things. That you should always be grateful. But Misato's gift to Shinji might end up being his worst nightmare, and whether or not he uses it may not be up to him. [story summary subject to change.] R&R if you will it. Possibly on hold.
1. A Sketchy Look

Special Thanks To Kuchee For Betaing!

Author Note: I can never get enough of angsty romance, next chapter will be tomorrow.

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Blinker: chapter one

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_Useless...useless...useless._ Shinji flicked his thumb across the app store's hot choices section, though what was so hot about it he didn't know. From apps that would age you to ones that made your teeth shine brighter in pictures, nothing was interesting him.

He had meant it when he said that Misato didn't need to get him a phone. Not only did he have barely any friends that he could talk to with it, he had no idea how to use it. But it's not like he could throw a gift away, especially one from Misato.

But as he flicked past another Barbie's First Surgery he found something that caught his eyes; it held an incredibly high rating compared to the other apps, 4.5 with hundreds of reviews.

**Blinker!** was its name and its description grabbed his attention even more.

**Tired of spending hours getting to know someone over text after text message, finally setting up a meeting with what could be your special someone, only to realize once you meet them that they weren't what you wanted? We bet it happens a lot, right? **

Shinji skimmed across the brightly lit screen. He didn't know why he was bothering with this, after all, he could count the number of girls he had actually talked to on his fingers. But his excuses didn't keep him from scrolling down to see the rest of what the app had to offer.

**Well not anymore! With Blinker all you have to do is put in your likes and dislikes and we'll find you a match. From there all you have to do is meet with your chosen one and find happiness! No age, picture, or name necessary! Only for those 14 and up as per the Youth Protection Act of 2009.**

_What a stupid joke..._, Shinji thought. There were 30 more seconds on the download. He may have been an incredibly inept 14-year-old, but he still had hormones damn it, and he figured his chances might be better if the people he met didn't have the time to get the know him beforehand. Once the download was complete he immediately opened the app and was met with **do you allow this application to have access to your files?** This was enough to make him stop and think again about how stupid of an idea this was. Even with the high reviews, he didn't want to risk ruining the gift he had gotten from Misato.

He tapped **No** and was immediately booted back to his home screen. Misato had made it a picture of the entire Katsuragi residence, excluding one penguin as he was at the vet overnight for a check-up, though he had fought tooth and nail to make it otherwise. Shinji rubbed his cheek from where he had been slapped by the angsty bird for his efforts.

He tapped back into the app, hoping to get a different result, despite the odds. But alas he was met with the same request. Again he pressed **No**.

He sighed and plopped down on his bed, his hands folded under his head so he could look at _his_ sky. It was in the form of a pop-corned white ceiling and a fan. _I need to get out more…_

But that train of thought, which Shinji knew usually went nowhere, was stopped when he looked at the clock. _Wait...when did it become 6 o'clock!?_ _I have to make dinner! _He jumped off the bed and ran out of the room, in too much of a rush to notice that his phone had fallen under his bed in the chaos.

"Where have you been, you idiot? Misato's gone so don't think you can get out of cooking."Asuka said as soon as he entered the kitchen. Shinji felt defeated to know that he was stuck alone with her of all people. Asuka was sitting at the table playing on her Gameboy, the one that she always carried around, even to school and Nerv.

Shinji knew the question - well, demand - was coming so he didn't bother waiting for it as he went to get his apron. "What do you want for dinner?" _Please oh please don't be something German..._ Asuka always had something to complain about when he cooked German food.

"I want spätzle. Make it snappy."

Shinji mentally groaned. _Spätzle again?_ He should've know Asuka wouldn't make it easy on him, she never did, ever. "But...we don't have the things for that..."

Shinji flinched as Asuka slammed her palms on the table top. It was clear she was in no mood to "baby" him as she put it.

"Then go get them, you idiot! Do I have to tell you everything for scheisse sake!"

"But it's already six..." Shinji's resolve quickly faded when met with Asuka's glare.

And that's how he found himself at the local Kwik-trip at 6:30, barely having time to put his sneakers on as he rushed out the door apologizing all the way out the door, though that didn't stop Asuka from throwing her Gameboy at him.

_Where does Misato even go at a time like this?_ these things never happened while Misato was around; Asuka never beat him or even threatened to in her presence. Everything just felt better when she was around.

Shinji owed Misato a lot. She had given him a home when he had nothing, acted as a mother for him when his father turned his back on his hope...sure, he felt grossed out by how rowdy she got when she drank, but...but it was okay for him to think that, right?

Shinji didn't know exactly how he felt about Misato, though he had been thinking about it for a while. About how much she had helped him when no one else cared...oh god he hoped that it wasn't...that it wasn't that. No, it couldn't be. Misato was like a mother or big sister to him, how could he even think that way?

Besides...it's not like anyone, especially someone like Misato, would feel that way about him...he was destined to never be cared for...the thought of the **Blinker!** app came to him, though he quickly suppressed it as he imagined Asuka finding out about it...and then never letting him live it down. He really should get rid of it before that happens.

Shinji decided that he would do just that as he put another ingredient in the basket, humming a tune to himself.

_Maybe I should make some tea..._ Shinji believed tea went good with everything.

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End Of Chapter One

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I know this chapter was short but I'm just setting things up. All criticisms are welcome.

**Peace.**


	2. House Guest

Special Thanks To Kuchee For Making This Story Better.

Author Note: Thank you to people who have followed and favorited.

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Chapter Two: House Guest

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Shinji walked out of the convenience store with a bag full of ingredients, paid for out of his pocket of course, and a sticker that said that _smiling more makes your makes your gums look nicer,_ whatever that was supposed to mean.

He had spent the entire shopping endeavor thinking about his perpetual loneliness. Once again the thought of the **Blinker! **app came to mind. _Would it really be so bad to give it a try?_ Of course, the answer was yes; he wouldn't have any excuse to leave the house to meet whoever he matched with. _If I matched with anyone at all…_ And the last thing he wanted was to become an even bigger laughing stock by being caught meeting random people an app had picked out for him. Yeah, he really should just delete that stupid app.

Shinji stepped into the elevator, trying as hard as possible to avoid the stain in the corner that only got worse by the day. Misato really needed to get better manners. _Or a bib, _Shinji thought with a giggle. Though a shot of guilt shot through his spine. Punishing him for laughing at someone. He pressed the button to the 18th floor, humming An Ode To Joy all the way.

The elevator doors opened and Shinji stepped out; the eerie silence was strangely comforting to him. He had to admit he liked not having to deal with anyone else other than his roommates. They were enough as is.

He enjoyed the view of the sun being over-taken by the buildings. It's amber glow forming a brief blanket of comfort over the infamous "fortress city". Shinji enjoyed the sight as he walked down the hallway to the door marked 267; it reminded him of the first day he came to Tokyo-03.

"I'm back..." Shinji waited for a response but never got one as he closed the door behind him and took off his shoes.

He had assumed Asuka had simply not heard him, but there she was, still sitting at the table with her Gameboy.

He didn't wait for her to tell him to start cooking, grabbing his apron off the table and putting it on. The apron, like most 'luxurious' things he owned, was a gift from Misato, Out of pity Shinji assumed. Which explained why it had Kiss the chef embroidered on the front.

He turned up the heat on the oven and started doing what he did best - trying to please others.

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Elsewhere in the great big city of Tokyo-03, a certain purple-haired bombshell was making her presence known at a bar named _The Slappy Sailor_.

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" A crowd had formed, everyone in it wondering, _just how much could one woman take?_ The question had yet to be answered in the past nine minutes as Misato seemingly absorbed beer after beer with no brakes. _When would it end?_ Nobody knew.

"Hey, bud! Your girl's a real keeper!" A loose-faced middle-aged man with flushed cheeks said to the woman's companion, a sly smile pressed firmly on his lips.

"Why, thank you", the man felt lucky that his _girl_ was too inebriated to process that. His smile faded however when he spotted a man who was a little too young copping a feel of his _girl_. He was about to step in when Misato did his job for him by giving the man a good shove, sending him tumbling over a seat and into a waitress, though Kaji wasn't even sure if she was aware she had done it.

Misato's raid against all beer kind was ended after a solid 15 minutes of drinking, which may or may not have been a world record.

She fell 'gracefully' head first on the table, sending beer cans tumbling to the floor. _Shit, should've caught her_, Kaji thought. He really hoped that she was okay, a broken nose was not what he wanted to apologize for. Especially if his nose was going to be broken in exchange.

"Well then pals, it was great hanging out with you but me and my _girl_ have to go." He couldn't help but emphasize girl, it was just too much fun for him.

A series of boos and ughs sounded as the crowd dispersed, leaving Kaji to pick up Misato and give her a piggy-back ride to her car. He could call section-02 later to come pick up his, it was a company vehicle after all.

He enjoyed the feeling of her chest through his thin suit shirt. _Ah the wonders of fashion_. He had to give his regards to whoever decided that these things were _in style~_. _That's what they called it right?_ Kaji hated feeling old.

The feeling didn't last long though, as Kaji had to fish through the pockets of Misato's jacket to find her keys, a pocket he had to reach while giving said woman a piggy-back ride.

_This is why I'm not some damn gymnast_, he thought as he finally found the keys after 30 solid seconds of wrist-bending work. At least it gave him more time to enjoy Misato's _womanly_ features pressing against his back.

He set her down in the passenger seat and walked to the other side of the car, but before he got in he popped out a cigarette. _For the road_, he thought, with more than a little humor.

When he was done he flicked it in the bushes and drove Misato back to the apartment; he hadn't drunk much so he figured he was fine to drive.

Every time the three of them went out to drink it would end the same. Ritsuko being a lightweight, she would head home after an hour or so, leaving Misato to get herself plastered so quickly that he was sure that she was just trying to forget he was there - meaning _he_ couldn't drink much or else there would be no one to drive her home. He really didn't understand what had driven them apart, they were so close back in their college days. It was only in the physical sense, but Kaji liked to forget that part. _She has no reason to hate me, after all she was the one who dumped me._

_Nowadays she and Shinji are more likely to bang..._ Kaji turned that thought over in his head with a certain degree of distaste before discarding it. _Yeah right, not even Misato would go that far for a lay._ Kaji finished his one-sided evaluation of his relationship with Misato just in time to pull into the parking lot of the apartment.

_Ooh, something smells good_, he thought as he made his way down the hallway. Misato was on his back again and mumbling incoherently. It was eerily quiet for an apartment complex as big as this, Kaji never could figure out why Misato didn't move out. It was creepy as hell here.

"Hey, could someone open the door?" he yelled, knocking on the metal door with the tip of his boot. His hands were too busy feeling something much softer than a door. A flurry of steps made their way to the door in a matter of nano-seconds.

"Kaji!" The door opened in a flash and Kaji was met with the mildly annoying smile of one Asuka, red-head extraordinaire.

"Hey kiddo, got a package for ya." He saw her smile deflate like a dying star and a small scowl take its place.

"Kaji, how could you!" With that wench!? He couldn't!

Kaji sighed mentally as he walked into the house. He gave Shinji a nod in greeting and set Misato down on the couch.

"Do you want to stay for dinner Mr. Kaji?" Shinji asked as he pulled out the food from the oven.

"Sure, why not." Kaji replied. "What is it-"

Before Kaji could even finish his question, Asuka made sure she was the one who told him.

"It's spätzle." Asuka gave her most confident smirk as she named off the ingredients one by one.

_She tries too hard_, Kaji thought, but he knew he couldn't really blame her; past everything, she was still just a child.

"It's ready. Kaji, what would you like to drink?" Shinji found it hard to talk to Kaji, he only invited him to stay for dinner as a courtesy. Kaji just seemed so...confident? He wasn't sure what to call it, but it intimidated him, scared him.

"You can keep this from Ms. Katsuragi, right?" he said as he opened the fridge and grabbed himself some beers, unaware of Misato's distaste of being called the Ms.

"Of course we can", Asuka assured as she gave Shinji an elbow to the stomach. _Now's my chance_, she thought giddily.

She casually walked up behind Kaji and took a beer from the fridge, but she didn't get far, as Kaji grabbed her wrist. "A bit young to be drinking these, don't you think?" Kaji said without thinking. _Oh god am I getting old_.

"Whaaa!? I'm not a baby, Kaji!" Asuka said. She wasn't a little girl! She was a woman!

"Sorry. Besides, Misato wouldn't like it if let you."

Asuka was about to say who cares what she thinks but she thought better of it. Well, it was more that she thought Kaji wouldn't like it.

Shinji set down three plates of delicious food; the other two wasted no time sitting down. But before he joined them he went to the closet and grabbed a pillow and blanket. He walked over to the blacked out Misato and draped the blanket over her, laid her down on the couch, and put the pillow under her head. His reward was chortles and snores.

He went back to the table. He was about to dig in when Asuka started to berate him with her critique, "Why is it so salty? It's too hot. It's-"

She was going to continue but Kaji saved him."Strange, it tastes fine to me..." Kaji took another bite to emphasize his enjoyment of Shinji's cooking. Asuka simply blushed and gave Shinji a glare as if it were his fault.

The remainder of dinner consisted of Asuka talking to Kaji about how much of a grown-up she was. Kaji didn't pay too much attention as he finished up the meal; he had to admit, the kid had a talent for it.

"Well, I need to get going", he said the second he was done with the food. "Compliments to the chef."

"Do you _reallllly_ have to go?" Asuka begged her beloved Kaji to stay for a couple more minutes.

"I'm afraid so",he huffed, satisfied with the free meal.

"Be a good girl, okay, Asuka?" he said with a smile.

"I'm not a little girl! I'm just as much a woman as Misato or anyone else!" She slapped her palms on the table in a huff.

"_Okaayyy_ then," Kaji said, amused at how wound up Asuka could get about this sort of thing.

"It's true! I can _show_ you how much of a woman I really am." Asuka gave her best seductive smile, the type you would get from a TV show. It sort of looked like a drunken smirk.

"Once again, you're a little _too_ young to be talking like that, but I'm sure Shinji enjoys it," he winked at Shinji as Asuka made a blegh face.

"Gross! Not Shinji! He's such a baby and-" Asuka continued her rant as said 'baby' was picking up their dishes and bringing them to the sink. He allowed himself the freedom of leaving them until the morning. He didn't pay Asuka's insults much mind, he was used to it after all.

_Jesus, wonder how often he has to deal with this?_ Kaji decided not to contemplate that question inside the apartment, so he said his goodbyes and left, hoping that the cab services were running.

Asuka simply headed to her room, too preoccupied with thinking about how to get Kaji to notice her to berate Shinji.

Shinji looked at the clock and noticed that it was only 7:40. Since he didn't have any school tomorrow and the sync test was at four, he decided he should watch a little TV. He had forgotten about his phone entirely during dinner, the thought of it escaping him while he wondered if Asuka was right about the meal being too salty.

He plopped himself down on the couch with the remote and looked for something good to watch, being extra careful to not wake Misato, though he doubted that she would be waking up before she was forced up the next morning.

Shinji found a documentary about clams and yawned. _Guess there's nothing else on..._

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Chapter Two: House Guest End

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The next chapter will be coming out over the weekend. I also think I'm going to change the summary as it seems a little long...we'll see.

**Peace.**


	3. Murky Water

Special thanks to Kuchee for betaing!

Author Note: Sorry if it feels like things are moving slowly, I just want to be sure of where I'm going. All constructive criticism is welcome. Also, I don't know how necessary this is but I do in fact not own the source material, my name is not Hideaki Anno nor is it whoever owns Gainax...I'll just say that it's Barney.

Please enjoy my silly story.

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Chapter Three: Murky Water

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"Nghhh..." Misato rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, only to be met with another adversary; her head felt like it was bursting at the seams.

"Ah, shit...Shinji!" Misato waited for her ward to make his appearance, preferably with some Tylenol and a glass of...water. It would have to be water.

She didn't like having to rely on Shinji so much, but he never went out, so there weren't many times when they weren't around each other. Misato always talked about how he needed to hang out with friends more, but deep down she liked always having someone around to take care of her.

_Ugh, when did I get back last night?_ Misato pressed her hungover head for answers but was only met with another wave of pain. It felt like ice cubes were inside her skull.

"Here, Misato." Shinji appeared already knowing what Misato would want. Misato nearly asked, _what took you so long?_ But the alcohol hadn't killed all her manners just yet. Thank god.

"T-thanks," she managed to slur out between the frostbite in her head and overwhelming want to go into a coma and not get out until this fucking hangover left.

"Do you need anything else? Miso maybe?" Shinji asked. He was used to having to deal with Misato's drinking issues, maybe a little _too_ used to it.

"Miso would be just great." She tried to sit up, but the bolts plunging into the back of her head had other ideas. "Dammit! Can you turn off the freakin TV!?" Misato didn't like swearing near Shinji, somehow it felt dirty, but she was NOT interested in the origin story of Sprite Cranberry.

"Oh, sorry." Shinji turned off the TV; he couldn't believe he had left it on all night. He cringed slightly thinking of the electrical bill, "I'll go get you some Miso."

"Thanks..." Misato groaned as Shinji disappeared into the kitchen.

Having nothing better to do, Misato stared out of the window that was beside the TV. It was hard to see through the small crack of light between the two curtains but Misato watched as two fat crows sat on the electrical wire. Not the most entertaining thing in the world, but at least her head wouldn't split open watching it.

A few minutes later Shinji reappeared with the soup, a nice sauna of steam rising off of it and into the hot noon air.

"Here you-" Shinji was interrupted as Misato quickly swiped it out of his hands and all but chugged it - the pain be damned. A small stream of of soup trickled down the each of the corners of her lips.

"Hah," she finished the entire bowl in a matter of seconds, leaving Shinji's mouth agape.

Misato noticed this and couldn't help but comment, "What? Never seen a girl chug a bowl of soup before?"

Shinji picked his jaw up off the floor before responding. "No, no I haven't. Did the Miso help?" he asked hopefully. It was already 12:30 so Misato didn't really have time to sleep it off.

"Wonders, say what time did I come home? Don't remember driving back." Misato wondered if perhaps Ritsuko had driven her back, but it didn't seem likely.

"Kaji brought you back last night." Shinji watched as her face scrunched a little at the anouncment.

"Ughhh." Misato lay back down with her body strewn across the couch. Her left leg was up across the back of the couch dangling in the air; her right leg reached the floor and her hands followed a similar path.

Shinji blushed and sputtered as he saw quite a bit of skin. Misato noticed and smirked, "Like what you see?" She may have tried not to swear too much around the boy, but she couldn't help but tease him. _She was allowed to do that, right?_

"Misato..." was all he got out. He could get used to helping her with her hangovers, but her teases were something his hormone filled body could never get over, and it never ceased to make him feel _dirty_.

"Hey idiot! Where's breakfast!"

Shinji's back stiffened as he turned to find Asuka. He had forgotten all about breakfast.

"Sorry, Asuka. I'll get on that."

Misato's smile dropped as Shinji left for the kitchen. Asuka plopped herself down on the couch and turned the TV back on.

"You know...you could stand be a little nicer to him," Misato said, sitting up. Asuka had only been here for less than a few weeks but it was obvious how she treated Shinji. Misato placed her hand on her forehead, her headache was not gone just yet.

"It's his fault he never stands up for himself," Asuka said matter-of-factly. She thought to herself for a moment before yelling at Shinji to put some sausages on the griddle; a nice sizzle was heard shortly after.

A candid okay was heard from the kitchen. Misato would've continued the argument with Asuka if her headache weren't killing her enough already. "Can you add some eggs?" Misato asked as another jolt of pain engulfed her head.

"Already on Misato!"

Misato didn't see it but she could've sworn he was smiling while he said that. _Always ahead of things_, she thought with a smirk.

"Good." She sighed as Asuka turned the channel to some gossip tween garbage, it started with some _hot tips on how to get the hunk of your dreams!_ Misato rolled her eyes. Can't believe I used to watch this crap, she thought as douche one and douchette two began their list of makeup to use. She had seen enough of these when she was 17. She had no want to see anymore.

"I'm going to take to take a shower," Misato said to no one in particular. She had gotten quite a layer of sweat being wrapped up in the blanket all night.

_Ugh, did Kaji wrap me in this?_ The mental image of Kaji kissing her goodnight with a blanket in hand was enough to make Misato all but jump off the couch and into the shower, pain be damned.

"Okay..." Shinji said as one of the yolks popped rather loudly.

"Did you pop one of the yolks!?" Asuka asked-yelled from the couch. "You know I like them whole!"

"Sorry..." Shinji mumbled, thinking, _you didn't even ask for eggs._

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"Kaji." Commander Gendo Ikari looked at the stubbled bachelor with something akin to anger. Well, Kaji guessed he would be feeling something like that. He could never tell.

"I'm-" Kaji was about to say..._something_. It wasn't often that he was lost for words, but this was not how things were supposed to go. Not at all.

The commander wasn't interested. "Fix this," was all he said. He wanted to just kill Kaji now and be done with it but he still had uses for him, uses that not many could hope to fulfill.

"Yes...sir." Kaji didn't stop to count his blessings as he made his way out of the commander's office, his tie flapping in the wind from the large doors.

"Hello, Kaji," Ritsuko greeted the elderly bachelor. Well, elderly as far as bachelors went.

"Ah Ritsuko, what brings you to this fine part of the lands?" Kaji asked the question in his usual demeanor, with an extra serving of charm.

"Just letting the commander know that the tests will be running a little late today." It wasn't a lie, but not quite the truth either. Ritsuko was used to telling these sort of half-truths.

"That so..." Kaji studied the eyes of his old friend - though not that old - and didn't find anything but the cold, scientific gaze that Ritsuko always had nowadays. "Well don't let me keep you. To be honest, I wasn't really expecting you to show up after last night."

"Me neither, but alas, the world beats out a hangover." With that said, Ritsuko headed through to talk to the commander. After Kaji's screw up on Over The Rainbow they couldn't just wait for Adam to wash up on a shore on some undiscovered island in the middle of the Pacific ocean.

The doors closed behind her and a shiver went up the good doctor's spine. The room was chilled and held no personality, a perfect room to assert your power over someone else.

Gendo didn't greet Ritsuko as she made her case, his steel cold eyes hidden behind the orange tinted glasses he wore, and his hands propped and covering his mouth.

"Commander," she gave a small bow before continuing, "we have assessed that Adam is somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, most likely it has drifted to the northern end." She spoke with no emotion, her eyes cold as ice.

"I see..." Gendo stared at the woman, waiting. Perhaps for something to crack, perhaps for her to shed her clothes.

Ritsuko gulped a little at the silence; she couldn't completely kill her emotions after all. "Yes, also we will have to set back today's sync test an hour, Rei is in need of more maintenance."

Gendo was in no mood for more setbacks but there wasn't much he could do. "Fine."

With that _lovely_ conversation over, the good doctor made her way out of the overhearing room, her eyes fixing on a new goal: getting Rei back together for the sync test.

She took the elevator down to the deepest levels of the facility, where only those who _know it all_ were allowed to go. She inserted her key card into a slot and was given 10 seconds to enter a password into a small panel to the left of the door. The panel rose into the wall the moment her card left the slot, revealing a computer terminal. Just another wall of security.

_G-E-N-E-S-I-S_, she typed into the outdated keypad. The door opened with a swoosh and she stepped in. _For a man so cold he sure loves his theatrics_, she thought with a little humor. She was allowed to have that. Wasn't she?

Given a glance the room would've looked like any other laboratory of the facility. Along the walls were computers and wires twisting over each other, with numerous air vents to combat the heat. There was no window, of course, only cameras that connected directly to the commander's office. It would be an unsettling fact, if she knew about them. As much as she told herself otherwise, she didn't know everything.

The only thing that would really draw attention was the large cylindrical see-through column in the middle of the room. Numerous plugs and wires were going in and out of the top and bottom.

It was filled with a murky LCL, and something else.

"Hello, Rei," Ritsuko greeted the tube with a clipboard. In response the entity inside the tube twisted and turned, as if in pain.

"I'll have to change out your LCL," Ritsuko said, making a note of it on her clipboard. _Just another problem for me to deal with._

"HeeElo AcaJi," the tube spoke. Its speech was barely recognizable, feminine and broken. Its voice was that of an adult.

Ritsuko pressed a few buttons on the computer and the tube began to drain. "You have a sync test in 45 minutes," stated curtly.

"OcAh." It was now speaking with a child's voice. Her entire life was repeating over and over, the clock never ceasing to reset.

Once the tube was entirely empty, all the LCL going through a grate in the bottom to be filtered, bits of flesh and bone made a mound on the bottom.

One by one, they came together, strands of blue hair coming out of the muck and making a head of unkempt hair. Bones cracked and screamed as they were forced together, flesh stitched itself into one.

Slowly, they became the form of Rei Ayanami.

"Get dressed before we see the commander." Ritsuko flicked open a latch guarding a small grey button that said DEPORT in big white letters. She pressed the button and the glass that kept Rei in the tube disappeared into the ceiling.

"Yes ma'am," Rei said, heading to a bag that was tossed onto a nearby table. Inside was her plugsuit. The bright white and blue color pattern were a stark contrast to her personality.

She put in on, ignoring the pain as the plugsuit stretched and pulled her skin; the LCL certainly didn't make her skin slick. Ritsuko looked at her, writing notes at almost every move.

"Alright," Ritsuko said once Rei got the suit on. She opened the door to the elevator and headed towards it, Rei following behind. "Now for the commander," the good doctor mumbled.

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_This is the life~, _Misato thought as warm water poured over her, the soap on her body slipping off and into the drain, the smell of breakfast wafting in from the kitchen.

She turned the water off and stepped in front of the mirror, her hair damp and made raven-like by the water.

As she grabbed a towel and wrapped around her hair she noticed something that ruined her good mood in a flash.

She let the towel down and it hung in her hand. She stopped and stared at her body. Through the abuse she had put it through over the years, from constant drinking, the occasional smoke, and flurry of _all-nighters_, she had thought that it had handled everything well.

But as she looked at her body she noticed all the little sags - from her breasts to her rear she noticed the lines of age dancing across them. They were hard to spot, but not invisible. And to top it all off, there was the disgusting blemish sliced across her stomach, a scar she had been carrying most of her life.

She frowned. Her body was a big point of pride to her, and age was destroying it. _Ahh, what it would be like to be young again._ To be held by a young body. She liked to think of what it would be like to be held by a young man, to have a chance to do it all over again. second impact had taken her teenage years, it was so unfair..._so damn unfair_.

"Misato! It's done!" Shinji yelled, breaking her thoughts.

"Give me a minute!", she yelled as she finished drying her body off. Her skin had a bit of a shine to it, but the headache was gone at least.

When she was done she tossed her towel into the corner, thinking that Shinji could get it later, and headed to the kitchen. She was dressed in her usual work clothes and her phone was in her pocket.

Her mouth watered as she eyed the eggs, sausage and pancakes, her insecurities all but erased in the face of Shinji's cooking.

"Is something wrong, Misato?" Shinji asked. Misato had been standing still for 15 seconds straight. He had been waiting for her before he started eating; Asuka, on the other hand, was already halfway through her plate.

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing" Misato sat down at the table but before she could eat, her pants started buzzing. She dropped her fork that already had a chunk of sausage, and checked to see who it was.

"Yeah, Rits?" she asked curtly. She was hungry and not in the mood for setbacks to satisfying it.

"Hey Misato," her voice sounded a little hollow over the phone, "Just wanted to let you know that the sync test is going to be delayed until 5:00."

Misato checked the time. 2:00.

"Alright, that all?" Ritsuko said _no _but Misato hung up anyways. She could deal with that at work.

"What was it?" Shinji asked, swallowing a bite of pancake. He was surprised that Asuka hadn't criticized his food yet.

"The sync test got delayed till five" she said as she drank a cup of orange juice that Shinji had laid out, "I swear I can't even blink without someone bothering me."

Shinji all but slapped himself as he remembered what he was supposed to do. _The app!_

Misato noticed Shinji's look. "What's the problem," she asked as she gulped down some orange juice.

"I-it's nothing. Just remembered something," he said as he sliced off another piece of pancake. Both Misato and Asuka found it funny how Shinji ate, never biting anything whole, instead slicing piece after piece off.

"What?" Misato didn't like her questions getting ducked, especially by Shinji.

"Just...I just remembered that I had some dishes to do from last night." He wasn't fully lying but he still took an extra long sip of water as Misato eyed him.

"Okay then..." It was pretty obvious that Shinji was lying what with taking the 30-second drink of water and tapping his legs under the table.

The rest of breakfast was spent in the usual manner, though with a little less teasing than usual.

"So Shinji," Misato covered her mouth as she swallowed some sausage, "how do you like that phone I got you, it's the newest model you know." With all that Shinji did for her, she thought it was okay to splurge on him a little bit.

"What!? Why don't I have a new phone!?" Asuka yelled. _Since when does the brat get special treatment!?_

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"There you go, Pen-Pen", Shinji said, dropping some sardines into his food bowl. The warm water penguin looked unpleased that it had taken the human so long to get his food but he accepted it anyway.

_Wark!_

Once Pen-Pen gave his gratitude, Shinji headed towards his room. He had only three minutes until they had to go and he figured that was enough time to get rid of the app.

_Alright, now where did I put you_, he asked himself as he began his search.

_Drawer...no. Bed...no. Closet? No. Where was it? _He began to wonder if perhaps he had left it in the bathroom or the kitchen, but alas he had run out of time.

"C'mon Shinji! Get your lazy butt out here!" Asuka yelled at him, her temper already on extra spicy after finding out about the new phone.

"Okay!" he took one last glance around his room before leaving.

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Chapter Three: Murky Water End

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Author Note: sorry if the ending seemed a little abrupt.

I tried to make my writing of scenery and rooms a bit more detailed without forcing readers to all see the same image, I want people to have their own interpretation of rooms. Tell me if you think I'm doing that and also tell me what you think of things this far, it's only the beginning of the story. Next chapter coming out tomorrow~

**Peace.**


	4. Sync Test

I tried to gain the rights to Evangelion but apparently my disturbing collection of Pen-Pen hentai wasn't enough. With nothing else to offer I returned home to write this. I'm sorry that this chapter isn't as long as the last one and I'm going to explain why at the end.

With that said please enjoy~ author guy

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Chapter Four: Sync Tests

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The tires skidded down the highway, with no concern for the soccer moms who had to get their kids to practice.

Shinji was on the verge of barfing in the back seat, while Asuka was doing a good job of hiding her own nausea. Yet another thing he would never get used to.They pulled into the parking lot. It took a while to find a spot given that they came in so late, but eventually they got out of the car and made their way inside.

"You guys ready?" Misato asked the two of them outside the locker rooms before they went their separate ways.

"Of course I'm ready!" Asuka flicked her hair with a smirk on her face. _Time to show all these idiots that I'm the REAL best pilot!_ It had been a painstaking two weeks of waiting for her precious Eva to be repaired, but now it was her time to shine!

Misato gave her a smile before turning to Shinji, "And you?" She knew that he never wanted to pilot the Eva. She wished he didn't have to, that he could just go to school, make friends, and stay at her apartment and live a normal life. Something she could never have. But he didn't have a choice, not really, and she was the one who had to keep him going. It was part of the job afterall.

"Yes, Misato." He gave a little nod, about to head into to the locker room, but stopped to ask Misato something in return, "What would you like for dinner tonight?"

Misato gave a sigh of relief. "Something with beer." Misato had heard what she wanted to hear and so her conscience lightened. No matter how flimsy the reassurance was.

Shinji smiled and went into the locker room, thinking of all the possible recipes he could make.

"Well now, aren't you a mother hen?"

Misato jumped at the sudden intrusion on the moment and turned around to see Kaji leaning on a wall, already with a cigarette in his mouth.

Normally she would've just told Kaji to piss off but she was feeling the slightest bit playful at the moment. "You should've been here earlier, you could've given Asuka a kiss for luck."

"Ahh, as tempting as the offer sounds, I'm not into kids." Kaji bit down slightly on his cigarette, making a bit of nicotine fall into his mouth. It tasted disgusting but he could handle it, he wasn't an amateur at smoking. _Neither was Misato_, come to think of it.

"Really? I thought there wasn't a thing on the planet that you wouldn't fuck." Misato said with a hint of bitterness.

Kaji feigned hurt. "How could you speak such slander? Oh is there anything I could do to gain your favor, my queen? Perhaps a cigarette~..." He pulled out his pack of Marlboro cigarettes and extended them to Misato, a smirk planted on his face.

Misato smacked his hand away, "I don't smoke anymore, peasant boy." She was growing tired of Kaji's advances, and walked past him. "Be at the bridge at the scheduled time, Chief Inspector Ryoji Kaji."

"Yes, ma'am." Kaji went into work mode, even giving a little salute, something he didn't think possible when Misato was involved. _She's really not going to make this easy, is she?_ He thought, putting another cigarette in his mouth, spitting out the ruined one.

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"M-hm," Shinji finished pulling on his plugsuit, a difficult task made even harder since he didn't take a shower this morning.

But once the suit pressurized he felt his balls all but roll into his eyes. He walked out of the changing room that morning like he was on stilts. Asuka didn't wait for a second to hold it over him.

"What is it, third? Not used to your plugsuit yet? Pathetic." Asuka gave a smirk as Shinji looked down, counting how many toes he could see in the plugsuit.

"It is time."

Both Asuka and Shinji jumped. Well, the latter more or less tilted backward. Too afraid to see what would happen if he actually jumped.

_When the hell did she get here!?_ Asuka thought as Rei turned around and walked to the bridge, Shinji waddling closely behind, trying to start a conversation in vain.

"Rei, how did you do on the test?" Shinji asked. he personally did-

"Acceptable to the standards," Rei said without looking at him. She didn't understand why he asked her these questions.

"Oh...well how was your breakfast?" Shinji tried again. He was taken aback at the lack of..._anything_ in her voice, he had thought they had become a little _closer?_ since the 5th angel.

He wasn't wrong technically. But Ritsuko's double-dosing of her medication was making it very hard to emote. "I do not require it," she said, trying to keep her left arm from falling off.

"Oh...well good luck on your sync test," Shinji said before going silent. He had finished adjusting to his plugsuit and was able to walk normally the rest of the way. Either that or he had gone impotent at a tragically young age.

Asuka's laughing could be heard from in front of them.

They all reached the Eva cages in differing moods, but they all got into their Eva's nonetheless.

"Hello, pilots," Ritsuko gave them the required greeting - or so Misato said - over the intercom before getting to the meat of why they were talking, "we will begin your harmonic tests in a few minutes."

They all nodded their heads _okay_ as their Eva's whirred to life. It was really quite a sight, watching as the world's three most dangerous weapons powered on, right next to each other, machines capable of ending every war or starting them. Depending on the pilots particular mood at the time.

"Just try to focus." Misato was now over the intercom giving her usual support.

"Yes, Misato." Shinji was the only one who said it, Rei being too busy trying to keep herself _together_ while Asuka was already deep into her subconscious, trying to get the highest score she could. _It's just like Galaga..._ she thought with a mental laugh.

"Asuka is averaging 53 percent." Ritsuko watched as the number went from 45 to 60 rapidly before dropping again. The neon greens, reds and yellows flickering and fluctuating would have made most people nauseous but Ritsuko had spent years slaving over these dials and numbers.

"Rei?" Misato was holding off on knowing about Shinji, a feeling of worry making a pit in her stomach. She tried to make it go away, knowing that it was illogical to worry.

"Averaging 30 percent. She's functional but lower than when we did the re-activation test." Ritsuko knew what was hurting her numbers, but didn't dare tell anyone.

"...And how about Shinji?" Misato asked.

"...Woah."

Misato's heart started beating faster. "What is it?" she asked, walking over to Ritsuko to look at the machines connected to the Eva's. She couldn't read any of the flickering numbers or symbols, it might as well have been in English.

"It's...it's averaging in the 20s, barely above the minimum!" Maya broke the news, Ritsuko apparently still in shock from the drastic crash of Shinji's score. She didn't understand - he had been averaging in the 60s after the 5th angel was defeated, so what happened? Even with all her cold logic and years spent solving problems, Ritsuko still didn't guess that Asuka moving into the Katsuragi apartment may have been part of the equation.

"What!?" Misato all but marched over to the intercom to confront Shinji. _Had he been lying when he said he was ready?_ "Shinji!" she barked into the intercom; the fact that she had been lied to yet again by Shinji made her voice rise more than it needed to.

Shinji nearly jumped out of his skin. "W-what's the problem, Misato?" he asked. He was visibly shaken, his test scores now averaging in the teens.

"Your scores are the problem. I thought you said you were ready," her tone softened. With Shinji, yelling would only make things worse.

"W-what's wrong with them?"

"They've dropped over 40 points! We can't afford this!" Misato watched over the cameras as his face sunk.

"I...I don't...how?" Shinji said, more to himself than anyone else.

"That's what we're trying to figure out," Misato said, as Ritsuko thought, we?

About thirty minutes passed as they tried to raise his sync but ultimately Ritsuko called for Shinji to be ejected.

"What about my scores?" Asuka asked, her hands clenched in anticipation.

"You, Asuka, are averaging 54." Ritsuko watched as Asuka's face stretched upwards in the glory of that statement.

"So, I'm the best?"

"Yes, sync ratio-wise."

Asuka gave a cheer to herself as Rei watched Shinji leave the Eva and get dragged off by the Major.

Shinji was silent as Misato dragged him off. _I don't know why she's so mad. I tried. _And other such thoughts of apathy began to fill his head.

"What's hurting your scores, Shinji?" Misato stopped once they reached the outside of the locker room, putting her hand on his shoulders and looking him in the eyes.

"I don't know..." Shinji looked down, his eyes staying a moment on Misato's breasts. How the tips of them were barely visible under the slightly baggy shirt she was wearing underneath her jacket. He forced his eyes all the way down to the floor. _What's wrong with me_, he asked himself in disgust. He was failing to do the one thing he needed to and he was staring at his m...at his guardian's breasts.

Misato sighed, "Shinji, I need you to be honest with me, okay?" She gripped his hand that was hanging at his side. She wanted Shinji to tell her the truth; too many times had men lied to her, from Kaji's cheating to her father. She didn't want Shinji to be another liar.

"I-I don't know Misato...I really don't." Shinji's voice cracked for a moment, "y-you have to believe me." He didn't want Misato to hate him for failing everyone.

"Are you sure?" She asked steelily. She wanted to be _sure_ he wasn't lying, she had to be sure.

"Y-yes, please believe me." Shinji was willing to beg. Misato wanted him to look her in the eyes and say it, but he didn't stop staring at the ground.

"Okay...I believe you." And she really did, she knew Shinji well enough to know that he couldn't lie like that, probably. "But we still need to figure out what's wrong, okay?" She loosened her grip on Shinji's hand, not realising that she had been squeezing it.

Shinji finally looked up and saw her giving him a small smile. "Okay...and I was thinking that we should have beer battered fish sticks?"

"Hmmm, sounds great, Shinji." Shinji was confused when Misato's eyes flickered past him and grew a tad darker.

"Commander!" Misato gave a salute. All emotion leaving her voice, only the bark of a soldier remaining.

Shinji's eyes widened. Slowly he turned around and was met by his father's cold gaze.

"As you were, Major," he said simply before moving down the hall. He stopped not more than 20 feet away from them before saying, "Have Ritsuko come see me."

"Y...yes sir." Misato was too caught off guard to maintain complete professionalism.

"Third." He didn't look back at his son as he spoke to him.

"Y-y-yes father?" Shinji's hand was shaking and his breathing was growing unsteady. _What's father going to say to me?_

"Fix your sync ratio," his father demanded before walking off. If he had been looking at Shinji, he wouldn't have seen much, just some glazed over eyes and a look of mild confusion.

Shinji and Misato both stood in silence, the tick tick tick of the clock in the hallway being the only sound. After 5 minutes the silence was broken by the appearance of a red-head.

"There you guys are!" She walked up to them with a glare, clearly annoyed, "I've been looking for you two for nearly 15 minutes!"

"Huh? Oh, Asuka!" Misato broke out of her trance to engage the fire-braided girl.

Asuka cocked an eyebrow to this. "Good guess. C'mon already, let's go home! I'm hungry!"

"Okay, come on Shinji, let's go." Shinji didn't move however, even as Misato said it again louder.

"Come on Shinji, we don't have all day." Asuka was already walking down the hall to the parking lot but turned back to see what was taking so long.

"Shinji?" Misato asked, gripping his hand. She noticed how heavy and unsteady his breathing was, and how his arms and legs were shaking- no, they were vibrating more than anything.

"Shinji!" She started to shake him, lightly rocking him back and forth, but none of it was registering to the boy.

His breathing grew louder and louder, his heart started beating faster and faster, and eventually, he fell to the floor with a thud...and screamed.

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Chapter Four: Sync Tests End

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Author Note: I wish that there was some good reason as to why it's not as long but the answer is time, I wrote this in one day so I went for quality over quantity, so hopefully it IS good. As for the next chapters release I'm not one hundred percent sure but it will be by May 19th.

**Peace.**


	5. Day Light Dreamin

Author Note: Short chapter but my planning calls for it. I think I might start another story, it might be good for me to be able to choose two different stories to work on instead of being forced down a hole, because the last thing I ever want to do is get burnt out too quickly as I did with my first Evangelion story. If I do start writing another story alongside this one it will probably have a lighter tone than this one, like I don't know...Shinji making a band in 3.0? Or an AU where Shinji grew up with Asuka before being taken to Nerv? Maybe those have already been done I don't know.

Also, what do you think of the summary? I changed it quite a bit from the previous one but I think it better foreshadows the overarching story. I'm going to have further news about the update schedule at the end. God, I need sleep.

Enjoy My Story~ Tired Author Person

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Chapter Five: Day Light Dreamin

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_Where..._ Shinji slowly opened his disorientated eyes only to be met by a sea of orange. There were suds all around him but, but it didn't FEEL like water. _Where Am I!? _He tried to scream but no sound came out, instead more suds poured from his mouth, flying in random directions.

He tried to move, but he couldn't find any traction in the..._wait._ As Shinji forced himself to calm down, he thought of something. _This is LCL!_

A quick sniff was all he needed to confirm it. That explained why he could breathe at least. He had the _where_ answered, but another question quickly took its place - why?

As Shinji began to breathe out of his mouth, he found himself calming down, allowing him to better take in his surroundings. He looked down and watched as this sea seemingly went on endlessly, only getting deeper and darker.

He looked up and saw rays of light. It was like looking up into heaven, but this felt like hell - what he had presumed was LCL felt like iron shackles on every pore of his body. This didn't make any sense, why did the suds go up while he could barely move?

He breathed another heavy load of suds out of his mouth and noticed something: they all always went directly up.

It was then that he had an idea. _All I have to do is keep the suds in my body! But wait, the suds can't be inside of me or else I would've already gone up by now...they only appear when I open my mouth?_ Shinji thought it was worth a shot, all he had to do was open his mouth and close it before the suds escaped.

He opened his mouth wide and clamped his teeth together as quickly as he could. A few suds escaped but he felt many more in his mouth; they tasted like freshly cut grass.

He tried his best to not gag. He thought about anything he could to not throw up the suds, from cooking recipes to old nursery rhymes. Eventually, he was rising, so slowly that each inch felt like an eternity for him.

He finally reached just under the surface, after what felt like years of bubbling up. He pressed his hands against the top. It felt like jelly. He heaved as hard as he could again and again. The slime like substance made it hard to do anything worthwhile. But he finally broke through it, sending pieces of the surface everywhere.

Shinji didn't know what he was hoping to see once he reached the top, but it certainly wasn't this.

Right in front of him was a large block of concrete, but it had a door. The rest of the scenery comprised of dead trees, and ash for a _beach?_ Instead of waves of sand.

Slowly, he swam to the shore that essentially acted as a frontyard for the block. He could move normally once the jelly was broken. Like a spell had been broken his muscles moved more freely than before.

The suds were gone from his mouth; he didn't bother questioning where they went.

He reached land. He hadn't noticed how exhausted he was until he reached the ash, collapsing with heavy breaths, his hair and clothes soaking wet.

The ashes were still warm, like they had only stopped burning a few minutes ago, right before he reached the surface of the LCL sea.

He eyed the block that was merely 20 paces away from him with apprehension. He didn't want to go anywhere near it, but somehow he knew that this nightmare wouldn't end if he didn't, that he would be stuck in this land of ash forever if he didn't get up and move.

He dragged his rancidly smelling body - how long was he in that LCL? - and slowly trudged to the front door. The number 267 was crudely driven into the wooden door with what must have been a rock. The number felt familiar to him but he could barely think.

He looked for a door handle but found none. He pressed his hand against the door, and pushed.

It opened with no sound and Shinji stood in the door frame. The room was so dark, anything beyond the door frame might as well have been invisible.

A **BOOM** sounded off right behind him. Just as Shinji turned, he was pushed in and the door was shut.

"Ack!" he yelled as he fell to the floor, which felt strangely like a sponge. "Let me out!" Shinji ran to where he thought the door was and started pounding on it. The door rattled and moaned but didn't give in to his begging.

His hands felt like they were punching hammers but he didn't want to stop. But after banging his hands raw with splinters, he gave up, sobbing from the pain from the fall, from his exhaustion and the helplessness.

He rocked himself in the darkness, no sight, no sound, no sdat, just his thoughts. And that was the last thing he wanted. To be alone with himself.

_Help me...help me...help me... _

Shinji cried himself to sleep, begging for help from anyone who might be listening. But nobody who would care was.

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"You're still here, Misato?" Ritsuko asked as she closed the door to the hospital room. "You really need to head home, staying here doesn't help him." Ritsuko wished she could give her friend the support she knew she needed, but she just couldn't think of the words to use. She had spent too much time in the purgatory known as Nerv.

"Thanks for your concern," Misato said. Her eyes had a darkness creeping under them, "but the hospital food is better than my food, or so Asuka says."

"You really need to sleep, Misato. I can pull a few strings and get you a room." Ritsuko didn't understand the way Misato connected with people, if she were in her shoes she would've just gone home and let the professionals take care of it. There was a reason they were called _proffesionals _afterall.

Misato was about to decline when a yawn escaped her and weakened her will. "...Okay."

Ritsuko left the room to make good on a few favors, leaving Misato to herself. She rested her head on the edge of the bed. The hospital bedding felt like sandpaper, but she was so exhausted that she couldn't say she would care if it were uranium.

She had been awake for two days, Shinji had been in a coma for three. The first day she did actually go home but found it strangely empty. There was none of Asuka yelling at Shinji about how the bath was too wet or whatever excuse she used to go after him. There was no smell of beer battered fish sticks, replaced instead by curry over ramen, which was such a sloppy excuse for food, even she could barely get it down. She had spent too much time being spoiled by Shinji's cooking.

So the next morning she came in with a pillow and blanket and set up camp at the end of Shinji's bed. Not without the apprehention of the nurses of course, though they quickly gave up on making Misato go home. But she couldn't sleep no matter how much she tried. She hadn't had alcohol since Shinji's panic attack, and the hospital certainly wasn't handing it out, so she couldn't force herself asleep either.

She looked up at Shinji's fearful face, how it scrunched around the nose and ears. I wonder what he's dreaming about, she thought. She hoped that it was something sweet, but judging by his face, Misato doubted it.

"Misato", Ritsuko walked back into the room. "I managed to score you the one right next to this room." She couldn't say the words she wanted to to help her friend, but Ritsuko found her own way to give her support. Still not _all_ robot.

Misato smiled. "Thanks Rits, I'll buy you a beer for this." She didn't want to get up from Shinji's side despite her words, but the idea of a bed was too good for her to give up.

"You're damn right you will, it took so many strings that I practically played puppet master to get you that room."

Misato gave a little chuckle at Ritsuko's humorous side, a side that was becoming more and more rare.

She walked into her room and didn't waste a second making contact with the bed as soon as she saw it. Ritsuko sneezed out a little laugh at her nearly 30-year-old friends' childish behavior, but she let her rest.

Misato was out like a light, but her dreams were far from peaceful.

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End Of Chapter Five: Day Light Dreamin

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Author Note: Once again sorry for the short chapter but I have figured out a schedule.

Every Sunday I'm will release a chapter, giving how much I've been writing recently I should be able to produce about 10k chapters.

I have also decided that I will, in fact, be writing another story alongside this one, and its first chapter will either come out this Sunday or the next, from that point on I will alternate between the two stories by the week.

If you guys are okay with this please tell me, I also want to know if the emotions feel rushed or out of place for the characters. I could use the reassurance of knowing I'm either doing well or that there are things I should change or improve.

**Peace.**


	6. Update Pending

Author Note: welp don't let me keep you.

Actually I will, are the emotions too over the top? Are they melodramatic or unrealistic? I really could use some feedback about that because thats my biggest concern. I can't figure any of this stuff out from a readers perspective so I'm hoping that one of you could give your opinion on that. I have been thinking about getting a beta reader but I haven't found any that are active in this community.

I do have another important thing to ask, it regards to when I use bolding and italiscize (fuck knows if I spelt that right) does it have an effect? Because that's what I put it in for, but if it does nothing then I'll probably get rid of them.

I'm sorry that I couldn't make it to 10k my life has been in emotional termoil. Depression is annoying. I don't know when I will upload next, I just feel really shitty right now.

Bon Appetite~Author person

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Chapter Six: Update Pending

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Shinji was hoping that when he woke up he would be freed of this nightmare, that when he opened his eyes he would be laying on his bed in his lovely suite, ignoring the world as he always did.

But as he opened his eyes he saw only darkness. Not the type of darkness you see with the morning dew, the type that you would sip a coffee to. No, this was the type of darkness where nothing could ever be seen, the type where lives are put to rest for eternity.

Whatever face he showed to the darkness he would never know, the only thing he was sure of were the tears falling from his eyes.

Hot streaks made their way down his face, the only heat he could feel. The sponge-like floor was absorbing every bit of heat he had, leaving him a cold, whimpering shell.

As he was about to close his eyes he could have sworn he saw something in the darkness. His eyes flickered open and observed as words floated around in front of him.

_Angel...regret...venom...drunk...whore...hate...force...molest...anticipation_...

Shinji gulped down a heavy load of mucus, the wordstaunting him with what they could mean.

He watched on in horror as eyes appeared on the walls surrounding him, oversized and glitchy. All they did was blink in rapid fury. Scratching sounds rained down all around him but he wasn't sure if he was the one making them.

He was sure he was losing his mind.

He wanted to vomit, his senses were being over loaded on every front. Instead of curling into a ball and relieving himself of the pancakes and sausage he had eaten that morning, he screamed. Screams loud enough to burst ear drums rolled out of the scrawny boy.

_Why ss this happening to me!? Why!? Why!? Stop!!!_ But they didn't stop, the sound only increasing as the walls whispered to him, a symphony of seething venom.

Angel. Molest. Anticipation. Regret. Whore. Hate. Venom. Over and over again, they wouldn't let him go. His head was cracking like an eggshell, his yoke was falling...falling...yoke...falling...

Shinji bashed the back of his head against the wall. It hurt so bad but at least it dulled the sound. He just wanted it to _fucking_ stop.

He shouldn't have left the beach, he should have stayed and melted in the ash, should have drowned in the sea. As he felt warmth spread across the walls. the room itself began to scream at him.

_Under The Bed Under The Bed Under The Bed!_ the walls screamed, but he didn't know what it meant. He finally felt his yoke fall, and everything went black.

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Misato awoke with heavy resistance. She sighed and unconsciously reached for a beer, instead knocking over a metal tray with multiple scalpels on it, though she was to groggy to notice.

"Pen-Pen...get me a beer..." she mumbled under her breath, apparently unaware of the fact that the penguin was currently far from her, drinking her supply.

She was still sweaty from her dream, a large back print on the sheets made that clear. She hated sleeping sober, the booze crippled her mind so that she couldn't dream, but without it, her guilt-wrapped mind was free to torture her.

She dreamed of everything wrong with her life. She dreamed of the souls that never escaped Second Impact. They screamed for her to join them, that _she_ had no right living while they suffered. She dreamed of the years she wasted as Kaji's girlfriend, she dreamed of the week they spent fucking like animals. And every weekend before and after.

She dreamed of every angel battle, and how they would lose no matter how much they tried, how the pilots would die begging her for help. She would watch, screaming for the angels to stop. They would _never_ listen.

It wasn't all bad though, with the pain of Second Impact came the memories of meeting Ritsuko; the memories of Kaji led to more...physical pleasures. With the memories of the angel battles came the memories she had with Shinji and Asuka. She didn't really talk to Rei much but the gossip on the bridge was that she and Shinji had become friends... Misato felt a slight distaste at that last thought, but before she could find out why a scream sounded through the air.

_Shinji!_ Misato threw the covers off of her in an instant, she jumping off the bed. She gritted her teeth at the feeling of a blade slicing into her foot, but she didn't stop as she sprinted out of the room, nearly slipping on her own blood.

She threw the hospital curtains aside, ignoring it as it fell over and knocked numerous medical equipment over and ran through the door. She finally trippe at the last second and slammed into Shinji's door, the bolts rumbling at the sudden impact. Misato felt blood trickle down her nose as she jiggled the door knob violently but it wouldn't open. _Fucking Trash Fucker!_ She kicked at the door with her un-cut foot, watching Shinji scream and twist in his bed. Her kicking caused her to lose balance, falling down and stretching the wound on her foot.

Struck by pain, she wrapped her hands around her wound. Within a few seconds Ritsuko and a swarm of nurses appeared marching down the hall. Misato didn't notice them as the pain from her foot flared through her body. _**Fuck**!_ _W__hy did they clean the fucking God damn shitty floors!?_

The swarm of five nurses opened the door and rushed in. They left the door open which sparked Misato to try to move but Ritsuko was already on her however.

Ritsuko forced her down and yelled, "No Misato! You're bleeding too heavily!" Ritsuko wasn't the one trained in combat, however, and Misato soon pushed her off, sending the good doctor tumbling to the floor.

Misato couldn't leave Shinji alone, he needed her. _He would have probably offed himself if it wasn't for me_, she thought disgustingly through her bleeding, adrenaline-filled mind. The worst of her mind bleeding out along with her foot.

She didn't think of how she was the one who needed him to pick her up after her messes, of how she felt all the weight on her shoulders disappear every time she came home to find him in the kitchen, preparing her something good to eat.

_Asuka is just a spoiled brat_, she thought with venom. Her mind seized by emotion, she didn't stop to think of the hell Asuka had to go through to be tha way.

She was already feeling light-headed from the bleeding, but now she was slipping in and out of consciousness She fell into full delirium as she headed for the door, barely scrambling her thoughts together.

Misato didn't get much farther than the door way however as she felt her neck tighten and she was forced into sleepless silence. The only thing accompanying her on her journey to the floor was Shinji's screams.

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"Kaji! Let's go there next!" Asuka pointed at yet another teen clothes shop. Fitted out with so much pubescent advertising that Kaji felt zit's coming on.

His muscles were becoming sore from all the hanging Asuka was doing from them.

"I don't know, Asuka, don't you already have enough?" Kaji looked at the four bags of clothes and perfume and sighed. _And I thought Misato was bad._

Kaji had Asuka all but forced on him by Misato; he was told that she was visiting another branch and couldn't bring Asuka. His bullshit detector went off like a fire cracker but he didn't refuse. Figured he might as well win some brownie points where he could.

"But Kaji! We don't get to go on dates often!" Kaji cringed as multiple glares went straight to him and the young woman hanging off of his arm.

"I'm hungry,", Kaji said straight faced right before dragging a giggling Asuka to a restaurant. He didn't know if it was a good thing that nobody tried to stop him.

Asuka didn't complain at being dragged off, she wasn't really hungry but that didn't matter. Not. One. Bit.

Kaji dragged her into a fairly vacant Midareta and found a booth.

"Kaji..." Asuka was at a loss for words but soon found her footing in the adult world. "How romantic!"

"Yeah _kiddo_, I'm a romantic." Kaji made a special point to emphasize the kiddo part, she was too damn young to be acting like this. Asuka gave a little scowl and went through her usual rant about how adult she was.

A waiter soon found them seats in the corner of the restaurant, and forever was in Kaji's good graces.

"Hello, are you ready to order?" Kaji looked up and felt a smirk coming on. A very big part of him wanted to say _just how much_ _he would love having her._

"I'll have a spicy chicken stir-fry and a medium water." Kaji handed the woman his wallet, giving her hand a small caress before pulling back. He looked at her and she looked back.

He smiled as she blushed; Asuka didn't notice however as she gave her order, a burger and fries, stating that Japanese food was too weak in flavor.

The waiter walked off with an extra swish in her hips.

"Hey, Asuka." Kaji loosened his tie a bit as he spoke, "I need to hit the restrooms, okay?"

Asuka smiled at how Kaji of all people was getting embarrassed about saying he needed to pee, "Okay, Kaji. I'll be waiting." Asuka did her best seductive voice; it sounded like someone who was singing for the first time.

"Okay kiddo," Kaji said without thought as he went to meet his new friend.

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"_Fuck...Fuck_." The woman moaned under her breath, her underwear around her ankles and hands pressed against the wall of the storage room.

"You like that don't ya?" Kaji grunted as he thrusted as deep as he could. In response the woman pressed the side of her face against the wall. He slapped her ass a _bit_ harder than he meant to, causing her to grunt.

He didn't pay it any mind however as he bent over and grabbed her chest, pulling harshly at her nipples.

All it took were a few more pumps for Kaji to pull out and spray his semen on the back of her black and white waiters' clothes.

The woman fell to the floor, taking large gasps in between her words, "I...Can't...Believe...We...Just...Did...That."

_Still got it_, Kaji thought, and with that thought came a deeper, more subconscious one: _I'm still young._

"I'm surprised nobody walked in on us," Kaji said as he picked up his hair tie.

"We...don't...get..many...customers...on...the...weekend..." the waiter said, still trying to catch her breath.

"This...is...going...to...be...a...pain...to...wash...out..." she complained, wondering if the stink was all that bad. _It probably isn't...the guy's old so it's probably less...sterile?_

Kaji pulled up his pants with a huff, and without saying anything to the gasping girl huddled against the wall, he left, tightening the tie on his shirt as he did so.

"Sorry that it took so long," Kaji said sitting down again at the booth. Asuka noticed the funny smell and wrinkled her nose.

"Ew, I don't wanna know why." She pushed out her hands directly in front of her and Kaji smiled.

He liked Asuka a lot better when she wasn't trying to 'seduce' him.

"We haven't gotten our food yet?" Kaji asked looking around the quaint restaurant, noticing three cooks at the bar.

"I know right? How could they be so lazy!?" Asuka said that a little louder than Kaji would've liked.

"Should be here soon..." Kaji said, hoping that saying that would hopefully end up with them having a spitless meal. As if on cue, a new waiter appeared, this one male with a little bow tie under his freckled face.

"Burger 'n' fries..." he placed the tray of food down, "And a spicy chicken stir fry."

"Thanks," Kaji said as Asuka began chowing down on her meal.

Asuka had a sour look after the first bite and put the burger down, "Should have known that they couldn't make a burger right." She tried to throw it away but Kaji stopped her.

"I paid for it, now eat it," he said, realizing that he sounded just like his dad.

"But..." Asuka was about to pout but realizing that she could _never_ be a 'Shinji'. She began reluctantly chewing at the under-cooked meat and obviously burnt lettuce.

She would never get to finish that burger, however, as Kaji's phone starting ringing.

"Yeah?" Kaji's face froze as the nurse alerted him to everything that happened.

He put his phone back into pocket and immediately got up, leaving his food half-eaten. "Let's go."

"What? Why?"

"Let's **go**."

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Ritsuko was left perturbed by everything that had just happened, so the last thing she wanted to do was talk to him.

"This was your job Dr. Akagi," Gendo said over the phone, his voice losing none of its effect.

"With all due respect, it did not occur to me that the Major would wound herself." Ritsuko tried her best to sound emotionless, cold as steel. But even that wavered under Gendo Ikari's voice.

"I do not pay you to look out for the expected. The opposite is what you're paid for, Doctor."

"I-I understand, Commander." Ritsuko cursed herself for her slip up.

"Then be sure that she is ready when the seventh appears. I have more important things to do than tell you how to do your job, Akagi." With no goodbye, he hung up, leaving Ritsuko to wonder why she slept with a man like that.

"Ritsuko!" She nearly jumped at the sound of her name. Looking behind her, she found Kaji, with Asuka following closely behind.

"Hello, Kaji."

Kaji gave no pretence to formality, "Ritsuko. Tell me everything." He grabbed her shoulders, his cool facade crumbling. He quickly let go however at the look Ritsuko gave him. He picked his facade back up and listened.

"Well...Shinji woke up." Ritsuko saw Asuka's ears perk up at that, but otherwise she kept her arms in her pockets.

_Should've brought my Gameboy_, she thought, keeping her mind off of Shinji as much as possible. _Why should I care about that baby?_

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Shinji stared at the ceiling, at _his_ sky. He didn't know what to think or feel right now. He flopped his head to the side and looked at the curtain separating him and the person he was sharing his room with.

From the silhouette he would've guessed it was a girl. He thought about trying to speak to her but he was too timid to be the one to start the conversation.

Everything felt so...tranquil to him. That was due to the numerous drugs in his system, but he was too conked out to realize that.

He didn't even react when the door opened and Kaji walked in.

He walked right past Shinji and straight to Shinji's mystery lady. Asuka and Ritsuko were walking closely behind.

Shinji's eyes did widen though, as Kaji went behind the curtain and said, "Misato? Are you alright?" His voice was crackling ever so slightly.

"M-Misato?" he said softly through chapped lips. _What is she doing here?_ He had a strong feeling he was part of the reason.

Ritsuko was the only one who heard him, and walked over to greet her little pay-docker.

"Hello, Shinji Ikari," she said, grabbing a clipboard from the end of the bed and before laying on her questions. While she was doing so, Kaji and Misato were having their own conversation.

It was funny. The two wanted to talk to each other right now more than anyone else. But even being a mere few feet away from eachother, they were incapable of doing so, though they each had different reasons as to why.

"Do you feel okay?" Ritsuko knew he was most likely barely able to think, but she didn't feel like skipping the formalities.

"...I feel...okay." He was sort of telling the truth, he felt numb more than anything, and _very_ tired.

"Is that so..." Ritsuko jotted it down in chicken-scratch, and then asked, "did you have any dreams during your unconscious state?"

Shinji took his time answering that; his logical side told him that there was no reason to not to, but he didn't want to bother someone with his problems.

"...no, nothing but dark" Ritsuko jotted it down, making a special note for _nothing but dark._

" Okay...so you're fine and didn't experience anything? Is that right?" Ritsuko couldn't help but let some of her annoyance through her tone.

"...Yes," Shinji said. He tried to listen in on Kaji, but instead he found himself falling asleep.

"I heard that you stopped working out, but to think it went this far," Kaji said, looking at the cast around Misato's right foot. He didn't want to look at her face, her eyes looked so dim. He didn't like seeing her like that.

Misato was tired and more than a little annoyed, so having Kaji mock her injury wasn't something she wanted to deal with.

"If you came here just to piss me off, just leave." She looked out the window, trying to remember how she got this cast. _Ritsuko **did** say that I would have a few missing bits here and there…_ She didn't like not being able to trust her own damn head to not forget things that mattered.

"Well, I didn't bring you any gifts," Kaji said, a little hurt; he was worried about Misato, and she just tells him to piss off?

"Good, your idea of a gift would make me get a restraining order," Misato said with little humor in her voice.

"Ahh, you give me too much credit." Kaji put his hands up in mock humility.

"Kaji! let's go already!" Asuka complained behind the stubbled man, clearly bored.

Kaji felt a twinge of annoyance at how little concern Asuka showed for her two roommates, but he didn't show it. He had to get going anyway, Gendo was not one to be ignored.

He sighed. "Okay, Asuka. See you at work, Katsuragi." Kaji left with a giddy red-head hanging off of his arm.

"Yeah yeah, just go already."

"You surprise me, Misato, I would've thought you and Kaji would be back together by the end of the first week." Ritsuko walked over to her side of the curtain once the _click _of the door was heard. Clipboard in hand.

Misato wrinkled her nose at her friend and said, "As if I'd ever want anything to do with him."

"If you say so," Ritsuko said as she began asking the routine medical questions. Misato stopped her.

"How's Shinji doing, Rits?" she asked. She had been thinking about it constantly. She didn't really have many friends to distract herself with. Other than Ritsuko of course. And she cared about Shinji. She could trust her old noggin' not to forget that.

"Well, he woke up..." Ritsuko watched as Misato's eyes lit up at that news.

"When can I see him?" Misato asked, unaware that they moved her bed into Shinji's room to make room for some idiot that fell off of some scaffolding.

"he's sleeping right now." Ritsuko didn't bother to mention that he was high off his ass on drugs.

"...Okay," Misato said with defeat in her voice; she knew from the tone that Ritsuko used that there wouldn't be any way to convince her otherwise.

Ritsuko ran her through the usual questions before leaving. Misato decided to rest until she could talk to Shinji, not that there was anything to do here if she did stay up.

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End Of Chapter Six

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Author Note: tell me what you think. I took some risks on the way the characters expressed themselves and I want to know if it worked out.

**Peace.**


	7. Midnight Recon

Author note: Put your opinions in the comments if you will it. I felt pretty good writing this chapter, so I hope that my passion shows. Be honest. I'm sorry if you don't like the chapter length but I only want to write when I'm passionate. If I force it then there's no point to any of it.

Bon Appetit~Author Person

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Chapter seven: Midnight Recon

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Shinji stared at the ceiling, counting the bumps. A fruitless endeavor, because the moment he blinked, he forgot where he was.

He listened to the sound of his roommates snoring. It sounded like the usual snores, somewhere between a pig being sawed in half and the chainsaw that does the sawing. So average that he wouldn't have been able to tell who they were from if he hadn't lived with them.

He couldn't see the window, but he knew it was dark out. Dr. Akagi hadn't visited since he fell asleep, nor had any nurses come to check on him, but the hospital was still very much alive.

Shinji wrapped his hands underneath his head and took in the air-conditioning of the hospital room. The dulled sounds of high-heels clicking and clacking against the hospital tile along with the shadows flashing under the doorway gave Shinji a feeling of dread.

He turned onto his side. He never liked hospitals. He watched the silhouette of his roommate as she breathed. Slowly her chest rose up and down; Shinji found it soothing. Normally he would've slapped himself for staring at someone for so long without them knowing. But whatever he had taken...it made him feel so free. He hadn't ever felt like this before. Like he didn't need to do _anything_. There was no need to earn his father's love, or to do everything that someone asked him for. It was like paradise.

It was hard to see the woman, the moonlight was not on his side. But he could see just enough to make out what she was doing.

He watched in his haze as the woman breathed in, and then out. He continued to watched as she flopped over to her side. He even stared through the curtain as she coughed, and then spoke to him...oh no.

"Hello?" the voice spoke. It was drenched in sleepiness and there was a hue of pain present.

Shinji stayed silent for so long that the woman was about to lay back down, convinced she had been seeing things. But eventually, he spoke.

"M-Misato?" a timid, melancholic voice spoke from beyond the curtain.

" Oh, Shinji, when'd you get here?" Misato was too tired to think of anything clever.

"Misato...I've been here for four days."

"Oh, then when'd I get here?" It was too dark for Misato to tell whether she was in the same room as before. Well, it didn't matter, least she had some decent company.

"I...I don't know." Shinji sighed his lungs empty, taking in the feeling of the medicine.

"You scared me, Shinji." She might've asked if he was okay, but Shinji had made her worry. She was flashing through the memories of the mad dash to the hospital. In hindsight she should've charged into Nerv medical, but she wasn't thinking straight. Right when it mattered, she made the wrong move. Yeah, she really needed a pick me up. "You really did."

"I'm sorry, Misato. It's...my fault." He didn't know why he took the blame. Guess it just felt right to be the one to blame, even with the meds freeing him.

She looked as hard as she could through the curtain. Its normal murky grey was banished by the moonlight. She watched Shinji fidget around a bit, playing with his hands and rubbing the back of his head along his pillow.

She didn't know what she was looking for, but she must've found it. "It's okay, Shinji. It's not your fault."

"O-okay, Misato." Shinji didn't know what else to say. The meds must have been wearing off. The old feeling of anxiety was creeping back in, whether he wanted it or not.

Misato continued, not having her fill of attention. "I mean it, it's not. If anything, it's my fault..." Misato sat up, preparing to _apologize_ more when Shinji spoke.

He spoke. Past all the anxiety filling his soul, he spoke. "It's not your fault, Misato." He didn't want Misato to blame herself for things that he did, she didn't deserve that. "You've helped me more than anyone..."

He couldn't see it, but Misato was smiling. She was never conscious of this fact, but she loved this. The attention, especially from men. Or anything similar.

"Thanks, Shinji." There was a moment of silence before she continued, "Now get to sleep, we need to head back to the apartment tomorrow."

"Okay. Goodnight, Misato." Shinji pulled the covers over him. Sleep came easily to him after that.

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_Shinji's condition has stabilized..._ Ritsuko flipped through the script she had in her head one more time. She was right outside the gates to hell. Exactly five minutes early.

In all honesty, she already knew that Gendo would show no interest in his son beyond whether or not he could pilot. But it was something to keep her mind occupied.

"Dr .Akagi," the secretary spoke, the boredom of her job evident in her tone. "The commander will see you."

Ritsuko didn't speak to the woman as she walked as robotically as possible to the opening doors. Unlike the office they protected, they were over-embellished with symbols and writing. The aching in her legs, arms and stomach made themselves more apparent as she approached the door. _Welcome to hell_, Ritsuko thought with a cynical tone.

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Asuka watched as her 'classmates' piled in through the door, chattering about either girls, boys, or girls again.

_Stupid perverts._ Asuka rested her head on her desk, mocking everyone that came through the door in her head.

_Oh my god, Trisha! Did you see Haiko's abs during gym yesterday?__Oh. My. GOD, he was so cute!_

Asuka's past-time was interrupted by the one girl she considered worth her time.

"Please keep your head up, Asuka," Hikari said, letting the authoritarian tone slip for her friend.

"Class doesn't start for another 10 minutes, Hikari," Asuka pointed out without raising her head. Hikari sighed and went back to her seat.

"Hey, she-man!"

"_What_ did you just say?" Asuka flew up from her desk. She was going to make whoever was stupid enough to say that rue it.

"Where's Shinji at?" Touji stomped up to the fire-haired girl, not showing any fear.

"Why the hell should I tell you?" Asuka was getting ready to gouge out the stooge's eyes when Hikari stepped in.

"No cursing, Asuka!" She got between the two of them, managing to keep them from ripping each other apart.

"I just asked her where Shinji was!" Touji pointed at Asuka, tempted to use a certain finger to show his disdain, but had the common sense not to.

"And I told you to that there was no way in hell I'm telling you!" Asuka managed to push through Hikari, who was too busy issuing her warning about cursing. She fell to the floor, unable to save Touji from his judgement at the hands of Asuka.

Touji gulped but didn't run away, something that Kensuke would later criticise him for.

"You're gonna pay!" Asuka screamed her war cry before jumping onto the boy.

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"I really enjoyed last night," a bushy-headed woman rolled her finger across her new lover's chest, "Mistuh Kaji."

"Me too..." Kaji said. His eyes were closed. He wasn't really thinking of anything, he was just tired.

"So...this is a nice place you got here..." She looked around, noticing the particularly expensive looking TV by the door that led to the balcony.

"I guess." He reached for a cigarette and his favorite lighter.

"You must have a real nice job to be able to afford all this..."

"Say," Kaji lit up his cigarette, took a puff, and continued. "How long are you going to stay?"

The smile on the woman's face dropped for a moment but quickly rose again. "However long you want, _baby_," she leaned over and whispered into his ear.

Kaji took the cigarette out of his mouth, "Good, get out."

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Misato scratched relentlessly at her cast, she had been trying to deal with the same damn itch for five minutes to no effect.

The sun was shining through the curtains. No birds were chirping though, they hadn't chirped in a long time.

She listened from the edge of her bed as Shinji rolled around in his, the sounds of sheets rustling and moans making it apparent that he wasn't having a good time.

"Hey Shinji..." She waited for a response before repeating it with a little more oomph. "_Hey_, Shinji."

Still no response. It was then that she got an idea. She had a cast...but that didn't mean she couldn't walk.

Slowly she crept up off her bed, limped to the curtain and pulled it aside.

She saw Shinji's sleeping form. He had a look of fear on his face and he was shaking all over.

He dreamed of the same place, in the same corner. His dreams had been fine while he was affected by the medicine. But now, they had taken a turn for the worse, and somehow, Shinji knew it. The moment the medicine disappeared from his system he heard the walls screech.

Seeing this made Misato do something a little sweeter than what she was planning.

She sat down next to his shaking form. "It's okay...it's okay..." she whispered to him as she stroked his back, the flimsy material of the scrubs he was wearing allowed her to feel his thin body. His young body.

Slowly, he stopped shaking, the small, spastic movements of his limbs turning still. The fear on his face turned into tranquility, the type of face an old man would make as he accepted his death.

"Good boy," she laughed lightly.

Just then a pair of high-heeled clicks approached the door. A key jiggled in the lock and a nurse walked in.

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Midnight Recon End

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Author Note: Blah blah life stuff so what'd you think of this mini-chapter?

I'll most likely update Friday. But life and school is a thing so you never know.

Leave a review if you will it.

**Peace.**


	8. Inside Out, Upside Down

Author's complaining corner: I'm gonna be honest, I feel like I've really been rushing out the chapters, I haven't been taking the time to really know what I'm doing with the story. Which I think shows the most with the last chapter. I think it was garbage. Sure it pointed the story in the direction I want, but...not in the way I wanted. The tone overall felt very different to me than the rest of the story, being overall pretty different. I have been considering doing a complete rewrite of the last chapter but I want to know if you guys even want that or if I should just press on.

R and R if you will it. Sorry for the short chapter but as I stated I have obstacles in the way.

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Chapter Eight: Upside Down, Inside Out

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Ritsuko stared at the things in front of her. She always made sure to refer to them as _things_, as them, not as people. That way she didn't have to pity them. That way, everything was logical.

They looked like the world's most disturbed puzzle, drifting around in the 'aquarium' of LCL they called a home. They all smiled; big, wide smiles. Like they had no awareness of themselves or their situation. Ritsuko supposed that they didn't. Couldn't.

She watched without emotion as their limbs detached from their bodies. They made no reaction to this, they never did to anything, always so blissfully unaware. The extremities drifted around the sunny orange tank, occasionally clenching their toes or hands. Eventually the wandering extremities found new hosts, fused to their bodies at random spots. Arms attached to stomachs and legs found their way to the tops of heads.

Ritsuko wondered about saying goodbye. Goodbye to the years and years she had spent every waking moment creating and sustaining them. And now poof, gone. One of her life's greatest achievements was gone. All at the whim of a man she wished she could despise. But she could never hate him, only fear...or was it respect? Ritsuko wasn't sure it mattered anymore. She wasn't even told why it had to be done, just a simple 'do it' and here she was, beckoning to his call.

She circled her finger around the button that would end it all. It was a small, blue button encased by multiple layers of thick, bullet proof glass that only she and a few 'trusted' individuals had the clearance to override.

She closed her eyes, and letting her face show only one single emotion to the things, she pressed the button.

Almost instantly the floor panels inside the tank disappeared into the wall, making large fans manifest from the newly made holes. They began spinning, faster and faster as they sucked in the LCL and the bodies with it.

They made no resistance as they were sucked into their end. They never lost those smiles, so ignorant to the fact that they were being disposed of. Of their own worthlessness.

Ritsuko didn't watch the procedure, instead turning around and walking to the landline that was attached to the wall opposite of the newly vacant tank.

The phone had no feature that would allow her to call who she pleased. It was a one-way connection. She picked the phone off its base and pressed a small button that was on the back. It worked like a walkie-talkie, things could only be said as long as the button was pressed down.

"Is it done." Ritsuko's mouth tightened at the sound of the commander's steely question - no, it wasn't a question now that Ritsuko thought about. It was a demand.

"Yes, Commander," she tried her best to say it with no falter; she couldn't show her weakness, not to him.

"Very well." Gendo was going to hang up on the good doctor and resume his overseeing of Nerv's facilities when a thought crossed his mind, a concern, so to speak. And he wanted to squash it. "Come see me in my office, now."

Ritsuko didn't respond, and Gendo hung up. She placed the phone back onto its home base. She noticed the shaking in her extended arm and placed her other hand over it, rubbing it.

She didn't care what that man did to her body. She didn't care...she didn't care.

With that one line steering her thoughts, she walked out of the room that had held her experiments and took the elevator to commander Gendo Ikari's office.

**She didn't care.**

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Shinji looked up at the red, murky sky above him, more for a lack of ability to do anything else than any desire to actually look at it. Air fresheners were dangling from the sky; they danced and twirled. They looked like a silhouette of a pine tree. 267 was ingrained on both sides of all the air fresheners in golden lettering. The air smelt like ashes.

How long had he been laying here? Looking at the gored sky? It felt like days. His fingernails felt so long, as did his hair. He felt his intestines pressing against his ribs. How long had it been since he had eaten?

The..._ground_? He wasn't sure what it was, but it felt like gravel. He was naked, from his mind to his body he couldn't hide anything. He could think, but the thoughts weren't his own.

They ran through his head like a motorcycle on a highway.

_Someones-watching-us! The-gods-have-given-us-a-gift! Through-giving-we-have-been-given! Let's-take-him-now! No-he-has-not-used-it-yet! Yes-he-does-not-understand-it's-power-yet! How-do-we-know-if-he-ever-will?! He-will. Are-you-sure-father? Yes._

They talked about things Shinji couldn't make sense of. He couldn't tell how many there were, whether they were real, or - the question that he was thinking about the most - if they were talking about him or not. The thoughts made his head ache and creak. He couldn't move, he couldn't do anything. He wanted to cry, to shout out to be let free, but he couldn't. He was stuck.

He stared up at the sky for so long, so...so long. He didn't know how much time had passed since the rotting started. It was an itchy sensation, like thousands of ants were crawling over his body. Pieces of his legs, cheeks and arms fell from his body with no sound.

It was an agony like no other. For hours he rotted. All the way down to the bone, without being unable to do anything. By now the voices had started screaming. Not at each other. But at him. They yelled and yelled about things he didn't understand as his body fell apart.

When it finally ended there was no dramatic boom of freedom. No, instead he simply flicked awake. And he found himself on a gurney. He was strapped down and being rushed down the halls to the unknown.

He heard voices from either side of him; they were muffled and he couldn't turn his head to see who it might be. He couldn't make out anything through his blurry eyes. Bright neon red signs passed over above him, leaving a feeling of nausea.

He wasn't even fully willing to believe he was out of the dream. The one thing that he was sure of, the one thing his mind could grasp onto at this moment, was his phone. More specifically, he thought about _Blinker_, and he thought about it with a fear that was beyond his comprehension.

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Gendo looked at the crumpled up form of Ritsuko Akagi. Sweat fell from his forehead to the bottom of his lip. Then to his chin, then to Ritsuko's back.

He looked at her sweat-covered back, and watched as the path of the droplets changed as they ran into the bruises on her back. They avoided the navy blue spots with all their might, like they were scared to touch them, that they may just suck them up into their own world of regret and misery.

The woman in question was sweating so much from her face that she didn't know if she was crying or not. She believed she wasn't. _Hoped_. Every part of her worn and torn body ached, but her back had a special feeling of pain in it.

Gendo knew of course that this wasn't the case. He wasn't a fool, he knew that science held the answer to this, as it did with all things. Ritsuko tried to get up but he grabbed her hair and shoved her back into the pillow. She grunted but didn't resist beyond that.

"I'm not done." He looked at her stretched out and stressed back. Not at the bruises or the sweat, but at her skin, the way her spine rose as she breathed; at the strands of hair that danced on her back before finding their grave in the folds of the bedding.

This was not Yui's back, this was some hag's. Yui's back was soft and beautiful, delicate. This one was rough and ragged, ugly.

Gendo was still inside Ritsuko, sperm swimming inside her; some in her rectum, some on her legs, and some found their way deep into the uterus. He raised his hand, clenched it with all the emotion he had stored, and let it down on Ritsuko's back. Her grunts and pleas were muffled by the pillow, though Gendo wouldn't have cared even if he had heard her.

It was in these moments, the moments that Ritsuko would later recall as the worst in her life, that she couldn't pretend she didn't care. That she couldn't pretend to not notice the tears that stained the pillow her face was planted in. That she couldn't pretend.

The beatings didn't usually didn't last long, only around five to ten seconds. But Kaji losing Adam and all the other setbacks that kept him from Yui made him lose control. And Ritsuko was the perfect target for his frustrations.

For an agonizing 30 seconds, Ritsuko was forced to _take it._ She clawed at the sheets with her nails. She had gotten them done the week before. She didn't usually didn't do such frivolous things but Misato had convinced her to treat herself. She had gotten them painted a mustard yellow. Misato had plenty of complaints to make about it, but she liked them.

A few of those nails were bent and broken, shoved into the folds of the newly red-splotched sheets.

When he was done he didn't say anything. He simply got off of the bed and headed to the shower. He had a room hidden in his office where he and Ritsuko had their encounters. It was a simple, small room with nothing but a bed and a shower. The only special thing about the room was that it was sound-proofed.

Gendo wasn't weak by any means but Ritsuko had managed to avoid breaking a bone so far. By moving her arms into a certain position she was able to withstand his beatings after every time she was bent over and used.

Ritsuko tried to get up so she could make her way to the showers as well. She hissed in pain the moment she put pressure on her right shoulder. It was disjointed, a bump shoving its way to where it shouldn't be.

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Misato was having very mixed feelings On one hand she was worried about Shinji. He had been all but officially quarantined, inside the room that she was currently waiting outside of on a dinky little folding chair.

_They can make a lung into a makeshift car engine but they can't afford a decent chair?_ The sound of the chair waddling in place as she tried to get rid of the itch on her ass was answer enough.

On the other hand, she was thinking about just how brash the nurses' visit had been. They had immediately rushed over and checked Shinji's vitals and then rolled him out of the room, leaving her perplexed in the dust. _They could've at least told me where he was taken, I'm his guardian for shit's sake_, Misato thought with a hint of bitter resentment. The idea of Shinji being so easily taken out of her supervision peeved her. Who were they to think they could take _her_ ward out of her supervision so easily? It had taken her thirty full minutes of asking around like a kid lost at the grocery store to find the room they had taken her own god damn ward to. Her relief battled with her worry and the guilt of not knowing what happened to Shinji. Causing knots to tie in her stomach —if it wasn't a bullet or missing limb she was at a loss most of the time.

She always ended up like this, battling her own emotions and thoughts. Liquor was supposed to be the peace treaty. Liquor was supposed to drown the things she didn't want to deal with.

"Mrs..." Misato jumped as the same nurse that took Shinji away from...took him to the E.R. came out of the room. "Katsuragi, right?"

"Just Misato." Misato stood, happy to have a reason to not sit in the chair anymore. "Is he okay?" never one to beat around the bush. The alcohol burned the ones she didn't want to answer, at least for a while.

"Well, he's stabilized..." She watched as Misato's eyes remained alert, clearly not satisfied with the answer. "But we have a few questions, if you're okay with that?"

Misato was peeved with the nurse's vagueness; the thought _I'm his guardian_ crossed her mind again, but it remained unsaid. She wasn't that petty. Probably.

"Okay, Mrs..." Misato leaned over slightly to read the woman's name tag—an unnecessary move,but she was used to talking to people shorter than her. "Kodama."

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End Of Chapter Eight: Inside Out, Upside Down

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Author Note: I've heard of people attacking authors for including rape and other such things in their stories so I just want to say, I don't care.

Otherwise, either ripping me apart or praising me, a review is always nice.

**Peace**~ a tired ass mofo.


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